https://mantraofhopecounselling.janeapp.com/
The human mind moves not from pleasure to pleasure but from hope to hope.
Samuel Johnson
At Mantra of Hope Counselling, we specialize in guiding immigrant couples who are navigating the complexities of cross-cultural intimacy. Our experienced counselors adeptly blend the Humanistic Existential Approach with specific protocols tailored to the unique challenges faced by these couples.
Here’s the path from resentment to renewal: we offer a journey designed to heal and transform relationships, emphasizing trust restoration and a strong emotional foundation.
To help achieve this, three pivotal concepts guide our approach:
HOPE – handling our problems effectively;
FREE – Forgiveness and Reconciliation Through Experiencing Empathy; and
REACH – Model of Forgiveness: Remember the Hurt, Empathize, Altruistic Gift of Forgiveness, Commit to Forgive, and Hold onto Forgiveness.
(Adapted from Everett Worthington-Hope focused Marriage Counselling)
Case Scenario- an 11th-hour call- for a burnt-out relationship
A South Asian couple comes to try therapy after many months of open conflict or distancing. Their evenings have become silent dinners interrupted only by the glow of phone screens. They decide to try a few sessions of therapy before going their separate ways.
Immigration has its stresses, and every person has their own levels of assimilation, separation, integration and marginalization. According to research on South Asian Canadian couples, it is commonly observed that wives often initiate therapy, with husbands participating less willingly, displaying minimal engagement with homework assignments and reflecting less during therapy sessions (Enhancing the Relationship Adjustment of South Asian Canadian Couples Using a Systemic-Constructivist Approach to Couple Therapy, 2016, pp. 118-130).
Assignments provide powerful tools to monitor and modify one’s communication patterns. The husband was ambivalent, and usually did not finish any assignments. To my prodding- that he did not write a single paragraph in a week, he would say- Ohh- I must have missed your Therapeutic Letter. (Note-Therapeutic Letter is a Narrative Therapy adaptation-summarizing key points and collaborative goals)
However, there were sporadic moments of unexpected progress when he sometimes agreed to participate in a brief reflective exercise aimed at identifying personal stress triggers.
This process increased his self-awareness and enabled him to express his feelings more clearly in the subsequent session, marking a small but meaningful step towards improved communication ( Understanding the Impact of Immigration on Marital Relationships: The Perspective of Emotion-Focused Therapy-Couple, 2026).
Fast forward 10 months, and the couple is now facing a critical decision point in their relationship journey.
Despite being in the process of divorce, this moment has the potential for transformation. Drawing from previous experiences, I have witnessed couples at similar crossroads rediscover their commitment and rebuild their relationships. For example, systemic-constructivist couple therapy has been shown to improve relationship adjustment for South Asian Canadian couples by utilizing structured communication exercises that foster greater appreciation and connection between partners (Enhancing the Relationship Adjustment of South Asian Canadian Couples Using a Systemic-Constructivist Approach to Couple Therapy, 2016, pp. 1-15).
Do you identify with the above scenario? Or do you know anyone who is going through such turmoil and ambivalence?
CHANGING UNDERSTANDING
Our cultural understanding of marriage, especially among immigrants with differential Acculturation and those approaching traditional marriage in their parent societies ( South Asia, East Asia, the Middle East, Arab world), has continued to change. Whereas polls show that almost all people hold marriage as a personal goal for themselves, few are willing to argue that marriage is socially beneficial and good for virtually everyone in society. (Public views of marriage and cohabitation, 2019)
Approach To Therapy
In the above scenario, the focus is to help process confusion, uncertainty, and summarize how in the previous phase, they have tried couples therapy and both have decided to get a divorce.
The husband expressed ambivalence and uncertainty regarding his relationship, describing ongoing pressures from his spouse during the legal divorce process, while the religious divorce had not yet been initiated; at times, they collaboratively made lists of pros and cons or suggested engaging in shared activities, reflecting fluctuating couple identity, which has been shown to relate to relationship adjustment in South Asian couples (Enhancing the Relationship Adjustment of South Asian Canadian Couples Using a Systemic-Constructivist Approach to Couple Therapy, 2016, pp. 1-15).
At other times, there are intense heated discussions, with blame being placed on the other person.
Complicating factors: Commitment and resources to elderly parents back home in South Asia are another issue that many young couples face.
For example, this client’s father has passed away, and he says he cannot ignore his mother, but his wife never accepted it.
We used Socratic Questioning to revisit scenarios and understand priorities around the family of origin and family of creation.
The approach was also informed by psychoeducation on trauma bonding and the cycle of abuse, reward.
….
Have you heard of such a scenario in your family or community?
Core Therapeutic Framework
Our work is built on a powerful synthesis of seven foundational pillars:
Our therapeutic approach is a specialized integration of several leading evidence-based and humanistic modalities, tailored specifically for issues of intimacy, relationship dynamics, and sexual health.
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Influence: Sue Johnson Focus: Creating secure emotional bonds and breaking negative cycles of conflict by accessing and reshaping the underlying emotions that drive interactions. At the heart of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is the theory of attachment, which posits that individuals are best able to thrive when they have strong emotional bonds with others. Understanding these attachment dynamics is crucial, especially when examining cultural influences on relationships. As a therapist, I reflect on the cultural nuances and biases I may carry into a session, striving for ongoing accountability and cultural humility in my practice.
Case Scenario: Secret Courtships: Anjali-Karan
In South Asian American marriage and dating, Harpreet Malla and colleagues discuss a composite scenario in which Anjali, a 34-year-old Telugu Hindu Indian American woman, came for counselling due to relational anxiety. She has two elder sisters, aged 36 and 39. Anjali is the only American-born sibling in her first-generation immigrant family.
At a recent family dinner, the tension was palpable, marked not just by the usual sound of the pressure cooker whistling in the background but also by the weight of unspoken expectations. Anjali found that her family’s attitude towards dating was very different from that of her Italian American friend Stella.
Her family had followed the traditional Indian model of arranged marriage for her eldest sister. Her middle sister had some autonomy and found her match through the website shaadi.com (translated to marriage.com). She, too, followed shaadi.com, where she met Karan.
However, when she brought her perfect match home, her parents complained about his height, complexion, caste, and that he was a North Indian. Indirect comments about traditional values and casual references to their Telugu roots filled the air, intensifying Anjali’s discomfort. They started pressurising her to find matches in her area.
Due to family pressure, Anjali and Karan officially called off their dating but continued to meet in secret. When Karan started jokingly discussing the proposals his family is suggesting, Anjali initially took it in her stride. Still, over a period of time, feelings of uneasiness, jealousy, and insecurity started coming up.
My experience of: Emotionally (Un)Focused Therapy
In Canada, I first started counselling with a White-origin Canadian-born therapist who said that his basic orientation was Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I would still rate him as one of the best therapists I have worked with.
Over the years, I have seen many therapists myself, following the principle that you cannot give what you do not have, and if I have to give the Gift of Therapy to someone, I should know what it feels like to sit on the other side of the table.
I still regularly see a Korean-origin Canadian psychotherapist who practices the Humanistic Existential approach. She challenges me to see my demons, areas for growth, but in a way which is emotionally focused. When I confess, she gently says- Thank you for being honest with me.
Coming back to the original psychotherapist I saw, who said he followed EFT, at that time, I had over 30 years in medicine, 25 years in specialist Imaging, and had stayed and raised my family in four different continents (India-South Asia, Libya-North Africa, Malta-Southern Europe, Canada-North America).
A mentor with whom I confided asked me when this EFT therapy became emotionally unfocused. I shared with my mentor that, though the psychotherapist is good and is trying his best, he somehow does not get the nuances of the Indian Canadian journey.
One of the pivotal moments was when he interrupted my sharing of experiences from the Arab world, including the Libyan Arab Spring, and insisted, ‘That is important, but that is not why we are here.’ This dismissal of my narrative not only highlighted a cultural rupture but also a significant disconnect in understanding my lived experiences and the cultural context I come from. Given the power differential, I shut down. Still, after that, I was never really there in this emotionally (un) focused therapy, as he had missed listening to an essential part of my life experience.
Summation of experiences
Given my background in medicine (since 1985-graduated in 1990-Delhi University; MD from Mumbai University-1996) and long years studying, practising, teaching, managing departments with advanced imaging – neuroimaging and neurosciences, I go by checklists and lists.
I follow the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy model, third-generation adaptations of Mindfulness. Mindfulness practices kept me grounded when I chose not to run away, but to stay on the ground during the Libyan Arab Spring, having witnessed firsthand a 21st-century revolution. (see Books)
I integrate the main theoretical models into the Third Generational Dialectical Behaviour Therapy- CBT framework- namely, psychodynamic, family systems, emotionally focused, humanistic-existential models to create customized collaborative case conceptualizations (CC) . Weekly supervisions in which we discuss our CC and look for alternative perspectives with graduate-level students have helped me further refine my approach.
If Anjali (Karan) were to approach me
The first consultation session would try to see her operating system and her habits of the head and heart, and would then help her make a factors-and-forces table with a five-year horizon. Together with Anjali, we would discuss and list what Karan means to her life, and collaboratively explore questions such as how intimacy comes into play, what the bigger picture looks like, and determining the next steps. Empowering Anjali in this process, she might express, ‘Seeing my thoughts and feelings laid out this way helps me understand what I truly want and need.’
The therapy would include mindfulness meditation and would also introduce her to other awakening factors (7 of them: 1 – Mindfulness, 2 – Investigation, 3 – Energy, 4 – Joy, 5 – Tranquility, 6 – Concentration, 7 – Equipoise). These Awakening Factors would give her powerful tools to streamline her approach and see the causes and conditions shaping her life, the culture and context she is coming from, and the choices and consequences that will shape her future.
Other vectors which I will adapt into the CC – using CBT-Third Generation Approach are
- Humanistic & Experiential Approach
- Influences: Carl Rogers, Irvin Yalom
- Focus: Providing an environment of unconditional positive regard, empathy,
- and congruence to foster self-awareness and growth.
- Family Systems Theory
- Influences: Salvador Minuchin, Carl Whitaker
- Focus: Understanding individual issues within the context of relationship patterns, roles, and generational dynamics.
- Psychodynamic & Developmental Lens
- Influences: Alice Miller, Mary Pipher
- Focus: Exploring how early life experiences and familial/societal narratives shape current patterns of intimacy and self-concept.
THE DEMON DIALOGUES-
An untended garden grows weeds, not vegetables. Unless energy or work is added to a system, the system will become more disorderly ( adapted from second law of Thermodynamics)
Finding the Bad Guy (it is not me, it is the other person), Protest Polka, Freeze-Flight -Attack-Attack, Chase -run are some patterns which one can see through therapy and try to see how our attachment patterns in family of origin or working in different cultures/geographies in immigrants can be refined in North American circumstances.
Therapy can help understand and break these cycles of blame, frustration, numbing, shutting down, lashing out which turn loving relations into mine fields of conflict.
- 5- ATTACHMENT THEORY
- Influences: John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth
- Focus: Understanding how early caregiver bonds create internal “working models” that shape adult relationship patterns (secure, anxious, avoidant). This lens helps explain core emotional needs, fears of abandonment, and struggles with vulnerability in intimacy.
6- Couples Therapy Science
- Influence: John Gottman
- Focus: Utilizing Gottman’s 40+ years of research to identify and change the specific interaction patterns that predict relationship success or distress. This includes managing the “Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling), building friendship systems, and creating shared meaning.
7- Specialized Interventions for Intimacy and Sexual Health
This core framework is specifically applied to challenges in intimacy and sexuality, enhanced by targeted tools from:
- Patrick Carnes & Rob Weiss: For addressing sexual compulsivity, problematic behaviors, and fostering sexual integrity.
- Rob Weiss & Dr. Doug Weiss: For understanding and treating intimacy anorexia—the withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy.
In essence, our practice connects the deep roots of attachment theory with the practical science of what makes relationships work, applying it all with integrative clinical skill and a humanistic heart.
What to Expect & Areas of Focus
| Area of Focus | Description & Goals |
|---|---|
| Couples Therapy | Heal conflicts, recover from infidelity, and break negative cycles. Build secure attachment, enhance friendship, and manage perpetual problems using Gottman-based skills. |
| Sex Therapy | Address desire discrepancies, sexual dysfunction, and heal from shame. Create a secure emotional base for a fulfilling sexual connection (integrating EFT and attachment principles). |
| Intimacy Anorexia | Work through patterns of emotional withholding and avoidance. Build capacity for vulnerability and consistent emotional engagement. |
| Sexual Compulsivity | Develop strategies for managing out-of-control behaviors, understand attachment-related triggers, and rebuild trust and integrity. |
| Individual Therapy | Explore personal attachment styles, heal relational trauma, and develop a more secure and compassionate sense of self. |
Session Details & Logistics
- Format: Available in-person and via secure online video.
- Session Length: Standard sessions are 60 minutes.
- Fees & Insurance: 170 cad 60 m session
- We encourage couples to have 90 m session 250 dollars
- all major insurances apply
- Initial Step: A brief 15-minute consultation is offered to discuss your needs and ensure a good therapeutic fit.
Book Your Session
Ready to begin? Use the information below to schedule your initial consultation.
Email: drpbhatt@gmail.com Phone: 6478181385 (Text First), 9055932287
Online Booking Portal: https://mantraofhopecounselling.janeapp.com/admin
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES
JOHARI WINDOW- WORKSHEET- To see your Blind Spots- Known Unknowns and Unknown Unkwowns.
WS Worksheet- Johari Window 2026 1
Adult Attachment Interview- this process may take around 2 hours but gives a good foundation to understand our attachment styles and operating systems which are conditioned from our Family of Origin.
BOOKS- Using Mindfulness practices, I stayed on the ground and witnessed first hand-a 21st century revolution-Libyan Arab Spring
SHAFSHOOFA MALESHI is Collection of narratives in different phases of the Libyan
revolution. As the history of this region takes a decisive turn, I spent
some time looking into narratives of common people long suppressed
You can download the book here Shafshoofa Maleshi
REFERENCES
Anjali-Karan scenario is adapted from Thakore-Dunlap, U., Srivastava, D., & Tewari, N. (2022). Counseling and Psychotherapy for South Asian Americans. Routledge.
(November 5, 2019). Public views of marriage and cohabitation. Pew Research Center. https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/11/06/public-views-of-marriage-and-cohabitation/