‘See things from different hats, and at times, put on no hat at all. Walk alongside the client. See the world as they see it.’ This is the heart of the Johari Window in clinical practice — not just a model, but a posture of radical curiosity about the other’s inner world.
In this blog, we look at post-marital dissolution from a grief-informed existential lens.
I recall some counseling strategies just after my internship was over, and how grief-informed therapy helped deepen my practice and approach to culturally informed therapy.
In the resources section, there is a short book that summarizes key learning points gained through work with marginalized communities, working through their traumas.
Trauma informed approach is a key guiding principle in my practice as I have lived on the ground in the Libyan Arab spring, and know personally that all the wounds of war are not seen. Mindfulness based interventions to reduce stress, see our conditioning from a detached calm curious compassionate perspective and see what one has to Let Go is an approach which I have followed myself – for myself and with persons with whom I work. For example- the question- Do you have a different opinion about the Vietnam war than the common people (a question adapted from Alanon 12 step recovery fellowship) – when asked by a spiritual fellow traveler made me reflect upon my own experiences in the Arab spring, and how it is a world so very different from North American society. This has helped me tailor my approach with clients of different geographies, generations and gender.
Family Systems Approach and being aware of different dynamics is another guiding principle. Having helped my family evolve through four continents-India, North Africa, Malta-Europe and Canada and being a parent helping my sons transition in post covid North America I understand the nuances and challenges through both my lived experiences, have explored them in therapy myself and also through clinical supervision and academic study.
Psychodynamic approach would explore the unconscious and would go into the family of origin, the culture of origin. In my graduate studies, though I would go for the Third Generation Cognitive Behavioural therapy tools – like Acceptance and Commitment therapy-(ACT) all my supervisors would tell me that many of my interventions would be classified as psychodynamic. I am a big believer in noting the patterns, and if one has to go into their history-then we would want to go into family of origin. Sculpting a childhood family dinner is one of my favourite Adlerian interventions.
Existential Humanistic approach- If your best friend was giving you some suggestions what would they be? This approach has helped persons be their own friend and also reflect upon some of their associations, what brought them together in that particular phase of life, and how things have evolved. Carl Rogers told about unconditional positive regard, authenticity and empathy and how the paradox of when one accepts the client as they are, they begin to change.
Johari Window-One on One: Post marital dissolution confusion
Three scenarios – Different hats
1- P- F 50 – An immigrant from Ghana- whose husband passed away in Africa-presented with breakdown in daily functioning, was admitted to Humber River Psychiatry. One son M 11 is in foster care in Canada, daughter is a teenager, studying in high school in Ghana
2- M- M 68- An immigrant from Romania-looks after his daughter who is legally blind, cannot take care of herself. Presented with Motor Vehicle Accident-MVA-following which he has pain, difficulty in activities of daily living and anxiety, sleeplessness and worries excessively about future of daughter
2- A- M 45- immigrant from South Asia-facing confusion, uncertainty, self doubt and identity crises following post marital dissolution.
Presented with sleeplessness, suicidal ideation, mixed feelings about the life which was there with his ex-partner- soon to be ex-wife and how things have unfolded in his current life.
EARLIER PERSPECTIVES
Case Scenario: E M 37- Immigrant from India, family stayed in Middle East for a few years, before shifting to Canada- He was around 10 years old when he came. He left home at age 14 to escape a traumatic abusive dynamic of conflict and alcoholism.
2024- Presented with feelings of unease after having ended a decade long marriage, gone into another relationship which he broke up, and is now in a live-in relationship with another person, but has intrusive thoughts about his previous relationships.
2026- comes regularly for therapy to see his attachment patterns and how they play out in his current relationships.
Johari Window Exercises
The open self- what is known to both myself and others- can be truths which are undeniable over time, how they affected my relationships, especially with those I hurt, and what parts of me remained consistent and genuine. These can serve as a means to explore the personal and interpersonal dynamics, how they affect identity, isolation, meaning and freedom.
For example
C- We came together when we were in our teens. Despite her parents having warned her about me, she chose to be with me. However, around seven years after our marriage, we started drifting apart, staying together like hostel room members, avoiding any deeper discussion.
For a detailed nuanced narrative using the Johari Window- you can see this blog
…
Using a Grief informed Lens to look at the Johari Window we can ask questions in four domains
1- Pain in present life
2- Pain for the life which one could have had
3- Pain for the past self-the dreams aspirations which were not realized
4- Pain for the relationship- a lost self
5- Additionally- during conversations we went into his daily journal and his feelings of sadness when he saw young children play. Recommended PAIL network-Pregnancy and Infant Loss network to help gain a support circle.
1- Pain in present life
Creatures of a day is a tool which I use often in therapy, to describe some interactions, the context in which one met these persons, what feelings came up in those interactions. The mindfulness informed approach goes into the informal and formal modes of meditation. One can do the who, what, when, why, where, how questions to deepen the review. For eg- a client going through post marital dissolution told me that he feels less stress when he is doing his work, interacting with his work colleagues, building projects and reviewing the technicalities. When he started doing the journaling exercises I had suggested around 1-Reliability 2- Realistic 3- Reasonable 4 – Respectful 5- Responsive 6- Responsible 7- Reflective and applied them in some family related conversations, he told how he felt stressed and overwhelmed.
For example
1- Reliability
Am I reliable in that context or am I having cognitive distortions, my defenses are on the rise and I am watching carefully what I speak and how, and hence cannot be authentic and genuine in this relational dynamic.
The Johari window- when done with a trained mental health worker, can help uncover one’s blind spots- hidden from self, known the others. For example, in this case as we reviewed his interactions, he realized that work has become his safety mechanism, avoiding the difficult conversations, so that he does not have to deal with these important matters. Workaholism is one of the socially accepted and even encouraged compulsive behaviours which at times may worsen family dynamics.
The hidden self- hidden from others, known to self- came out in his body language, significant pauses and changing of topic, when asked who initiated contact and how, how long was the interaction, was there any agreed upon agenda and what was the conclusion.
| Blind self | Known to others | Not known to self |
| Example from above scenario | Workaholism and Avoidance
Eg- I felt nice when I talked to colleagues, felt stressed when I tried to do the worksheet |
Workaholism
Eg- How has this affected my relation to myself, my partner, my view of family, self-worth within relationship |
| Comment
Mindfulness Based CBT – Approach |
Investigate the Awareness and Energy
Eg- time of day, body scan, how I felt before, during,after |
Acceptance of Emotions
Eg-Being aware of and accepting how deriving self worth from sources other than family and deriding the family has led to estrangement and alienation |
| Blind self | Known to others | Not known to self |
| Example from a scenario in your life |
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| Comment
Mindfulness Based CBT – Approach Do a body scan and acceptance of emotions exercise and fill in |
DOWNLOAD THE WORKSHEET ON JOHARI WINDOW
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References
Spennemann, D. H. (2023). The usefulness of the Johari Window for the Cultural Heritage Planning Process. Heritage, 6(1), 724-741.
Pregnancy & Infant Loss (PAIL) Network – Sunnybrook Hospital
Johari Window: To work through Prejudices and Presumptions
The Johari window tells about the open, hidden,blind, unknown aspects of self and is used by me to collaborate with clients to examine areas of communication, commitment and conflict. University of California psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995) helped conceptualize a model which helps see an individual’s position in and their relationships and interactions with others in a group (Spennemann, 2023).
BOOKS
Summary of writings on Mindfulness, Anger, Grief, Acculturation issues, Alienation using Erik Erikson’s- stages of Psychosocial Development.
Some examples of tools you will get in this book are
Hope-Focused Therapy, one of the group programs offered at Mantra of
Hope Counselling, draws on the acronym LOVE:
• L — Listen and Repeat (reflective listening)
• O — Observe your effects on others
• V — Value your partner’s or family member’s experience
• E — Evaluate both parties’ interests with curiosity, not judgment
You can download this book here.
Counseling Scenarios 2024 Prashant Bhatt, MD, MA Honours