This month, June 2026 we attended and presented at the World Congress of Existential therapy, and interacted with philosophers and psychotherapists on themes of existential counselling and how it has developed in the context of present social conditions in the post Covid world.
Workshop- on Toxic Positivity: Going beyond Cliches
In this newsletter, I will touch upon the principles of Taoism and Existential Therapy elaborating on The Tao (The Way), Wu Wei (Non-Action), Yin and Yang (duality and interconnectedness) and some practical applications.
Will give a brief overview of the paper we presented on Post Marital Dissolution and Finding Meaning. We used the tools of Living Human Document, Subterranean Life of the Hour to help clients who sought therapy to make sense of their world and relationships in a particularly challenging period of their life.
GROWTH POINTS- Tell Me Another Story-Using the tools of 1- Story and the Story Teller- 2- Elephant in the Room- the three generations 3- Parking Lot- I encouraged them to Develop Their Own Voice, rather than speaking from a position of Victimhood, Failure, Conflict, Stigma and Silence
One of the most memorable moments being when Eric Craig (born 1945) a veteran Humanistic Existential teacher and practitioner presented to Alfried Längle who founded the International Society for Logotherapy and Existential Analysis in Vienna in 1983- the cane which Sigmund Freud gave to his father in 1876, on his return from England. The cane is now returning home to Vienna, Eric Craig said as he presented the memento after many hours of discussion on the Relatedness, Freedom, Choices and Consequences.
STILL HERE
The first keynote speaker was Lewis Gordon, who spoke about Black Existentialism. He spoke of his roots in Jamaica, and in the round table there was a discussion on current themes in Existentialism and community, clinical and research aspects. Gordon talked about how he used to ring up his maternal grandmother, in her eighties, and ask “How are you doing young lady” and she would answer “Still Here”.
STILL HERE-GORDON REMEMBERS HIS COVID SICKNESS
Over the years he has realized the significance of those words. He talked about how when he got Covid in 2020, he did not go to the hospital as he saw how Black and South Asians were taken care of, how many went in, and came out alive (Gordon,2022). Over the years, Gordon told how he has realized the many layers in the words of his grandmother- Still Here.
COMMUNITIES- ORAL HISTORIES-LIBYA
Community memories of the way Black Africans were sought and beaten up in the aftermath of the Fall of Tripoli (Libya, October 2011) are ripe. When I asked local activists and community members, professionals and common people what about the rights of those who want to express their views on the Gaddafi period in a peaceful manner, many saw this as a non issue.
CLOSING ONE’S EYES
In summary, many nuances were explored by Lewis Gordon and other speakers from Africa who talked about Closing One’s Eyes as a secret admission of Projection. There is a form of responsibility present in all denials. We all have been part of this spectrum at some level, in the current and the past. Covering oneself and memories with blankets with regard to colonialism, racism, and the attempted, sometimes successful, genocide of Indigenous peoples, are part of one’s awareness and growth points.
Mapping Paralysis: Presentation on the Collapse of Certainty and Continuity when is paralyzed. The presenter talked about how medical model looks at Neurological issues, while the Phenomenological Existential Approach looks at the Every day Life. Earlier Perspectives- in 1997- I (Prashant Bhatt), had presented a paper on MRI changes in Spine and correlation with Neurological Status at International Congress of Radiology.
‘See things from different hats, and at times, put on no hat at all. Walk alongside the client. See the world as they see it.’ This is the heart of the Johari Window in clinical practice — not just a model, but a posture of radical curiosity about the other’s inner world.
In this blog, we look at post-marital dissolution from a grief-informed existential lens.
I recall some counseling strategies just after my internship was over, and how grief-informed therapy helped deepen my practice and approach to culturally informed therapy.
In the resources section, there is a short book that summarizes key learning points gained through work with marginalized communities, working through their traumas.
Trauma informed approach is a key guiding principle in my practice as I have lived on the ground in the Libyan Arab spring, and know personally that all the wounds of war are not seen. Mindfulness based interventions to reduce stress, see our conditioning from a detached calm curious compassionate perspective and see what one has to Let Go is an approach which I have followed myself – for myself and with persons with whom I work. For example- the question- Do you have a different opinion about the Vietnam war than the common people (a question adapted from Alanon 12 step recovery fellowship) – when asked by a spiritual fellow traveler made me reflect upon my own experiences in the Arab spring, and how it is a world so very different from North American society. This has helped me tailor my approach with clients of different geographies, generations and gender.
Family Systems Approach and being aware of different dynamics is another guiding principle. Having helped my family evolve through four continents-India, North Africa, Malta-Europe and Canada and being a parent helping my sons transition in post covid North America I understand the nuances and challenges through both my lived experiences, have explored them in therapy myself and also through clinical supervision and academic study.
Psychodynamic approach would explore the unconscious and would go into the family of origin, the culture of origin. In my graduate studies, though I would go for the Third Generation Cognitive Behavioural therapy tools – like Acceptance and Commitment therapy-(ACT) all my supervisors would tell me that many of my interventions would be classified as psychodynamic. I am a big believer in noting the patterns, and if one has to go into their history-then we would want to go into family of origin. Sculpting a childhood family dinner is one of my favourite Adlerian interventions.
Existential Humanistic approach- If your best friend was giving you some suggestions what would they be? This approach has helped persons be their own friend and also reflect upon some of their associations, what brought them together in that particular phase of life, and how things have evolved. Carl Rogers told about unconditional positive regard, authenticity and empathy and how the paradox of when one accepts the client as they are, they begin to change.
Johari Window-One on One: Post marital dissolution confusion
Three scenarios – Different hats
1- P- F 50 – An immigrant from Ghana- whose husband passed away in Africa-presented with breakdown in daily functioning, was admitted to Humber River Psychiatry. One son M 11 is in foster care in Canada, daughter is a teenager, studying in high school in Ghana
2- M- M 68- An immigrant from Romania-looks after his daughter who is legally blind, cannot take care of herself. Presented with Motor Vehicle Accident-MVA-following which he has pain, difficulty in activities of daily living and anxiety, sleeplessness and worries excessively about future of daughter
2- A- M 45- immigrant from South Asia-facing confusion, uncertainty, self doubt and identity crises following post marital dissolution.
Presented with sleeplessness, suicidal ideation, mixed feelings about the life which was there with his ex-partner- soon to be ex-wife and how things have unfolded in his current life.
EARLIER PERSPECTIVES
Case Scenario: E M 37- Immigrant from India, family stayed in Middle East for a few years, before shifting to Canada- He was around 10 years old when he came. He left home at age 14 to escape a traumatic abusive dynamic of conflict and alcoholism.
2024- Presented with feelings of unease after having ended a decade long marriage, gone into another relationship which he broke up, and is now in a live-in relationship with another person, but has intrusive thoughts about his previous relationships.
2026- comes regularly for therapy to see his attachment patterns and how they play out in his current relationships.
Johari Window Exercises
The open self- what is known to both myself and others- can be truths which are undeniable over time, how they affected my relationships, especially with those I hurt, and what parts of me remained consistent and genuine. These can serve as a means to explore the personal and interpersonal dynamics, how they affect identity, isolation, meaning and freedom.
For example
C- We came together when we were in our teens. Despite her parents having warned her about me, she chose to be with me. However, around seven years after our marriage, we started drifting apart, staying together like hostel room members, avoiding any deeper discussion.
For a detailed nuanced narrative using the Johari Window- you can see this blog
…
Using a Grief informed Lens to look at the Johari Window we can ask questions in four domains
1- Pain in present life
2- Pain for the life which one could have had
3- Pain for the past self-the dreams aspirations which were not realized
4- Pain for the relationship- a lost self
5- Additionally- during conversations we went into his daily journal and his feelings of sadness when he saw young children play. Recommended PAIL network-Pregnancy and Infant Loss network to help gain a support circle.
1- Pain in present life
Creatures of a day is a tool which I use often in therapy, to describe some interactions, the context in which one met these persons, what feelings came up in those interactions. The mindfulness informed approach goes into the informal and formal modes of meditation. One can do the who, what, when, why, where, how questions to deepen the review. For eg- a client going through post marital dissolution told me that he feels less stress when he is doing his work, interacting with his work colleagues, building projects and reviewing the technicalities. When he started doing the journaling exercises I had suggested around 1-Reliability 2- Realistic 3- Reasonable 4 – Respectful 5- Responsive 6- Responsible 7- Reflective and applied them in some family related conversations, he told how he felt stressed and overwhelmed.
For example
1- Reliability
Am I reliable in that context or am I having cognitive distortions, my defenses are on the rise and I am watching carefully what I speak and how, and hence cannot be authentic and genuine in this relational dynamic.
The Johari window- when done with a trained mental health worker, can help uncover one’s blind spots- hidden from self, known the others. For example, in this case as we reviewed his interactions, he realized that work has become his safety mechanism, avoiding the difficult conversations, so that he does not have to deal with these important matters. Workaholism is one of the socially accepted and even encouraged compulsive behaviours which at times may worsen family dynamics.
The hidden self- hidden from others, known to self- came out in his body language, significant pauses and changing of topic, when asked who initiated contact and how, how long was the interaction, was there any agreed upon agenda and what was the conclusion.
Blind self
Known to others
Not known to self
Example from above scenario
Workaholism and Avoidance
Eg- I felt nice when I talked to colleagues, felt stressed when I tried to do the worksheet
Workaholism
Eg- How has this affected my relation to myself, my partner, my view of family, self-worth within relationship
Comment
Mindfulness Based CBT – Approach
Investigate the Awareness and Energy
Eg- time of day, body scan, how I felt before, during,after
Acceptance of Emotions
Eg-Being aware of and accepting how deriving self worth from sources other than family and deriding the family has led to estrangement and alienation
Blind self
Known to others
Not known to self
Example from a scenario in your life
Comment
Mindfulness Based CBT – Approach
Do a body scan and acceptance of emotions exercise and fill in
WORKSHEETS TO REFLECTIVE JOURNAL
To begin using the worksheet, set aside a quiet time and space where you can focus without distractions. Start by choosing a specific topic or question that you would like to reflect on, such as a recent experience or an ongoing challenge. The worksheet can help give structure to one’s thoughts, underlying feelings, and yearnings, and can also help one see one’s patterns.
For example, after reflecting on the worksheets completed in the week before the session (focusing on reliability and commitment in relationships) and during the session itself (considering patterns like toning down opinions, avoiding direct answers, or giving confusing responses), A M 45-m explored his attitudes toward himself, his family of origin, his family of creation, his work and workplace, and his approach to market forces and their impact on his work-life balance.
As you read this example, consider if you notice similar patterns in your own reflections or daily life. Are there areas where you might avoid certain topics, hold back your opinions, or act in less direct ways? Recognizing these tendencies in yourself can be the first step toward meaningful insight and growth.
I need to define and defend my boundaries. What are my intellectual, emotional, and time boundaries? Is my intellectual work in the industry being respected? Is my emotional boundary being acknowledged or dismissed ? Am I able to express myself genuinely?
These questions and reflections upon them made S realize his tendency to get by rather than take a stand.
He became more assertive and focused, while also appreciating the role of others in his life, both at work and in his family.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
How should I use the worksheet in my own reflection process?
How can I adapt these questions to my unique situation or challenges?
What should I do after completing the worksheet and reflecting on my answers?
Johari Window: To work through Prejudices and Presumptions
The Johari window tells about the open, hidden,blind, unknown aspects of self and is used by me to collaborate with clients to examine areas of communication, commitment and conflict. University of California psychologists Joseph Luft (1916–2014) and Harrington Ingham (1916–1995) helped conceptualize a model which helps see an individual’s position in and their relationships and interactions with others in a group (Spennemann, 2023).
Summary of writings on Mindfulness, Anger, Grief, Acculturation issues, Alienation using Erik Erikson’s- stages of Psychosocial Development.
Some examples of tools you will get in this book are
Hope-Focused Therapy, one of the group programs offered at Mantra of
Hope Counselling, draws on the acronym LOVE:
• L — Listen and Repeat (reflective listening)
• O — Observe your effects on others
• V — Value your partner’s or family member’s experience
• E — Evaluate both parties’ interests with curiosity, not judgment
Reviewing some journeys and fellow travelers this year, made me see the spokes of the wheel of Satipathana Sutta and its applications in 12 step recovery groups.
I had grown to my desk, as it were, and the wood had entered into my soul….
Charles Lamb, 1821
Reviewing some journeys and fellow travelers this year, 2025, made me see the spokes of the wheel of Satipathana Sutta and its applications in 12 step recovery groups.
The second step of 12 step recovery says-came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. The Satipathana Sutta explores body, feelings, mind, dhammas- hindrances and awakening factors.
In Winter 2025 I took a course on Satipathana and over the year, have revised some scripts of 12 step recovery with the orientation of seeing the steps as a path to awakening factors.
Just as the Satipathana meditation groups (Sangha) are important, in 12 step work, you work the program with a sponsor who shares his/her experience, strength and hope and holds one accountable to the 12 step path.
In defining in power greater than myself and working on developing an active spiritual life, I was guided by mentors in 12 step recovery, made to list experiences of spiritual care in my life and also dig deeper into the meaning of dependence and independence, counterdependence and interdependence.
As I look back on some associations, I recall letters which have helped shape my experiences and orientations and how developing thinking places, and making the time to go there have helped me deepen this quest
Itabashi
This thinking place reminded me of the concept of twinning, how family journeys to Benares, Shimla, Delhi, Rishikesh, Dehradun, Bhopal, Ujjain in my childhood and adolescent years from Pune helped me understand nuances of the family and our shared journeys.
Dependence- we want and need help
Counterdependence- we need but resist or even reject help
Independence- we are self sufficient and do not need help
Interdependence- we give and get help to and from others
(Carnes, 1994)
Around 12 years ago, I wrote a series of letters to my sons when they were in Toronto and I used to stay in Tripoli-Libya North Africa on remembering my father Prem Narain Bhatt, PNB, the journeys which shaped his life and how he developed the concept of family after being married to my mother NB nee Uniyal and the association with Benares and Uniyal family helped him get a different feel of family life.
This can be tied to the concept of Interdependence- we give and get help- which shows how we grow together. One of my father’s oft repeated remarks was that his mother passed away before he was five years old. This complex dynamic I have understood in different ways, through my education in counselling psychology, but that is not the scope of this article.
Twinning of the families, interchange of ideas, thoughts, memories and approaches to spirituality make me see the way my father PNB approached faith and my maternal grandmother KU -Kamla Uniyal nee Bahuguna approached her faith life.
Discussing with 12 step fellows four types of Higher Power/God came through
Non existent God/higher power- Not available to offer help
Non involved God/Higher Power- Not concerned and detached from our lives
Accepting God/Higher Power- Who accepts that we fail and cares anyway
Punishing God/Higher Power- Punishes our mistakes, does not reward or help.
(Carnes, 1994)
Application in Spiritual Life of Family
The test of the program is outside the rooms of recovery
A Senior Fellow in 12 step recovery
On remembering the ways of meditation, reading, relating to spiritual texts which my father PNB and maternal grandmother KU imbibed in me, I would say that the concept of Higher Power/God which they modeled was an accepting God who accepted that we fail, cared anyway and helped me understand the pitfalls and need for discipline.
The Bow of Meditation: Practices of my father PNB -at different frontiers
For example – the practice of meditation for at least 20 minutes two times a day, which my father would do every day- has taught me the power of pause, reset, refresh and reflect at the start and end of a day. He used to practice this as his duties carried him to different frontiers from North East India in the 1960s to Sri Lanka in 1980s.
I have refined this into a mid week and end week retreat- where I close all phones/screens and do step work and see relation to steps, higher power and share with a trusted fellow. Over the years, this concept which is derived from the attitude of humility, acceptance and interdependence has helped me see by Blind Spots (BS1) and Bull Shit (Bs 2).
Ramcharitramanas-and my Naniji-Maternal Grandmother-Kamla Uniyal nee Bahuguna: Benares-1950s-60s
The “Ramcharitmanas,” was my grandmother’s go-to book to develop her faith. Through its devotional poetry and the story of Lord Rama, it immersed her in ideals of dharma, selfless service, and unwavering faith, cultivating bhakti (loving devotion) and a model for righteous living. The “Ramcharitmanas” embodies archetypal ideals—like Rama’s integrity or Hanuman’s devotion—which serve as internal compass points. Contemplating these figures gradually reshapes one’s own character and intentions.
Practical Actionable Steps: Readings and Discussions in Greater Toronto Area-2020s
Applying this to my current context in Toronto, Canada, I developed reading circles and discussion groups, in which we read from foundational texts of 12 step recovery and see how these relate to our life.
Two books which helped in making actionable steps were the 12 steps and 12 traditions and Bill’s Story in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). These texts help break the vast journey of spiritual growth into actionable steps- eg admission of powerlessness, developing moral inventories, making amends- which demystify the process and provide concrete daily practices.
For eg when looking at primary purpose and how overthinking can be a stumbling block, the 12 step path helped me be more aware of spiritual aspects of my own family-from by father’s meditation practices, my grandmother’s reading practices – and imbibe them in my own life and develop and deepen my connection with a Higher Power.
The raw honesty of “Bill’s Story” creates immediate identification. Having
heard step ones in the fellowship helped connect with a recovery community.
It shows that spiritual awakening can be born from utter desperation and brokenness.
For eg-one mentor told how he joined 12 step recovery, when he had started becoming very resentful of the drug dependence of his son. He wanted to get the drug suppliers eliminated. That desperate darkness made him seek recovery, develop a connection with a Higher Power and made the Profound accessible. Over the years, I have spent many hours in cafe tables discussing and developing steps and reviewing reflecting on connection with a Higher Power.
One such senior fellow, with whom I have gone for walks by the Humber-Old Mills area- told of his parents migrating from Europe to North America to escape Nazism between the two world Wars. Now 90 years on, he is witnessing those old wounds re-open with the conflicts in Ukraine-2023 and still on going.
12 step recovery and fellowship helped him facilitate a shift from intellectual understanding to experiential truth, fostering humility, connection, and a sustained conscious contact with a power greater than oneself, which has become the bedrock for a life of purpose, peace, and service.
Elements Awakening Factors at Itabashi
Reflection on these notes and reviewing the columns of inventories, powerlessness, amends, the positive coping mechanisms and integrating these with Satipathana- the Awakening factors of Mindfulness, Investigation, Energy, Joy, Tranquility, Concentration and Equipoise has added another dimension to Higher Power Awareness and connection in this year.
For this I often go to Thinking Places. Going to open nature areas or theme parks has helped me deepen this process. One such Thinking place is Itabashi gardens in Burlington, Ontario.
The elements component of Satipathana tells of Earth, Wind, Water, Fire elements and to be aware of the empty nature of the body, cultivating an attitude of non-attachment. The Forest and Trails in and around Itabashi give many occasions to be more aware of these elements in nature and within oneself.
On investigation of the nature of spirituality, as conveyed by Interdependence, reflecting on the stories and journeys of my parents, grandparents and life in the Himalayas in the 1920s, 1940s, in what was British India then, made me deepen the way our family has grown.
In this investigation I also use the concept from Robin Sharma’s book-the Monk who sold his Ferrari- in which he tells the story of transformation of Julian Mantle and illustrates how we reached here, who we are as a group or family , how we reached here and how shared meanings help us evolve to what we can become.
For example- Investigation into the nature of mindfulness in the early morning hour – when night turns into day- has helped me see the rock gardens, different ornamental plants and paths in a fresh manner. The nature of mindfulness (present moment awareness in a non judgmental manner) has become further refined and the awareness of energy of the different tones-happy, sad, anxious, neutral- has increased.
The integration of these into the Letting Go and Non-Attachment while doing silent meditation or walking meditation or mindfulness of breath meditation at Itabashi has added another dimension.
Exploring Local Histories and Integrating them with Spiritual Care
When we first landed in Canada, we went to Kariya Park Mississauga, which symbolizes the twinning of the Japanese city of Kariya with the city of Mississauga.
In my walks in Hamilton area of Ontario, I came to see the statue of the writer Leonardo Sciascia, who comes from the sister city of Hamilton in Ontario- Racalmuto in Italy. This partnership honours and celebrates the historical and cultural connections and how throughout the 20th century, particularly in the post-World War II period, a large number of immigrants from Racalmuto and the surrounding province of Agrigento in Sicily settled in Hamilton, drawn by employment opportunities in the city’s thriving steel industry. These immigrants and their descendants became a vital part of Hamilton’s social, economic, and cultural fabric, establishing a vibrant Italian-Canadian community that has deeply influenced the city’s character.
Through work in various recovery communities, I came across descendants of persons who migrated from Europe, East Asia, South Asia, Africa, South America, Arab world.
In the context of developing and deepening connection with higher power, I looked back at my own family history, the spiritual practices modeled by my family members and how going to a place of historical and natural significance, can deepen such a connection. In my diaries, I have recorded early morning and late afternoon walks in Itabashi gardens, and the way conscious contact with elements, awakening factors, local histories, family memories and step work can make a rich mix to deepen one’s spirituality.
You can download worksheets and work upon them to further develop your connection with Awakening factors and Higher Power/God.
Equanimity: Managing Anger -Comparing Narrative Therapy and CBT
I make myself rich by making my wants few- Henry David Thoreau
Modern man no longer communicates with the madman . . … and expels from the memory all those imperfect words, of no fixed syntax, spoken falteringly, in which the exchange, between madness and reason, was carried out.
Michel Foucalt, 1961, History of Madness
Michel Foucalt- History of Madness-1961- was one of the foundational influences of the founders of Narrative Therapy-Michael White and David Epston
In this article we discuss ways in which different approaches can benefit in defining an issue, taking the example of anger. Anger leads to loss of equanimity.
The word equanimity comes from Latin roots meaning “even” and “mind”. Holding what passes through your mind in spaciousness to stay in balance, moving beyond the reactive mode is achieved by Equanimity. The chain of expectations, desires, wants, are broken leading to alleviation of suffering.
The following are some exercises which I have found useful in moving into Equanimity.
1- Write down ways in which one starts becoming less balanced.
A written record of the ways in which one starts going into the cycle of expectations, desires, wants, fears, greed, disgust can give a good opening into the habits of the heart and head. One way to sharpen this focus is to read a newspaper/news-site for 15 minutes and keep classifying under the headings of greed, fear, disgust the feelings evoked by the articles.
Spencer, the young boy who had the issue of soiling was told to characterize in near and particular terms, how this issue is affecting and ruling his life. His parents were told to characterize how this issue rules and ruins their lives. Then Spencer was asked to give a name to this issue of Soiling. He called it Mr.Mischief. They went on to relate to this issue in a particular rather than general manner, and in a near rather than distant way, thus helping define the boundaries and borders of the issue, get a better handle on it and define their relationship to the issue.
This example of Spencer, illustrates how to externalize and objectify an issue which is affecting one’s life, and then create a statement of position map, which can help one create a plan and monitor our process.
3- Creating personal examples : Balance of the Lotus
Eastern traditions see the Lotus flower as an embodiment of purity, enlightenment and rebirth. The balance between beauty and adversity are shown in the growth process of the Lotus, as it emerges above mud and water. It symbolizes harmonious balance between earthly struggles and divine purity.
Nature walks and creating living symbols of these experiences has been a way to enhance balance in my life.
4- Case Scenario: Anger seen through different counselling approaches (Narrative/CBT)
Mr. S, presents with anger, which has affected his work, relationships, standing in community
NARRATIVE THERAPY APPROACH
Externalize – The history of anger, as if it is a creature outside of oneself waiting to get inside you
Therapist Role-is on listening, accepting, non-judgmental, non-confrontational statements..to be like a Junior Partner, Investigative Journalist,
Imagery sees himself being taken away from grandson
Cognitions I am a middle aged man who is being deprived of my rights,
standing in unfair manner
Interpersonal angry at wife , sons, in-laws
Drugs takes alcohol to drown the pain
NARRATIVE THERAPY approach uses interventions like externalizing, metaphors, mapping to develop a near and particular relation with the issue.
Mr.S went into the history of anger, by asking to see it as a creature outside oneself who is thinking of ways to trick him into losing his calm. Mr.S told of his early years of immigration from Bombay, India to Canada, how he saw his mother being beaten by his alcoholic father, his being bullied in school. As he became a teenager, he stopped these things as best as he knew.The “Bullied became the Bully”. On being asked to give a name for Mr.Anger he came up with two metaphors. He first called Mr.Anger the “Dragon”. However, on reflection he said, “If I am still riding this creature and getting taken for a ride in my seventh decade of life, then I am riding a Mr.Donkey”.
After establishing rapport, agreeing that anger-related issues are worth exploring and addressing, we set about seeing how Mr.S has constructed his life around anger by
1- Externalizing anger
2- Deconstructing anger narratives
3- Re-authoring personal stories
4- Exploring values and intentions
5-Creating alternative responses
1- Externalizing anger
Encouraging Mr.S to treat Mr.Anger as a separate entity or character helped distance himself from anger and view it as something outside of his core identity. Be doing this he gained a new perspective on his anger, started seeing how his life would be without anger and create a map to challenge the dominance of anger in his life.
2- Deconstructing anger
We explored the stories and meanings Mr.S attaches to his anger. Through telling these stories we were able to examine the underlying beliefs, assumptions, and cultural influences that contribute to his anger. For example, as he recalled the weekend discussions which turned into angry arguments in his family of origin, he became more clear about how issues of safety, and the way to deal with un-ease through lashing out or suppressing became a dynamic in his life. This has in different forms played out in his family of creation, and he can now see this pattern even in his interactions with the in-laws of his sons. Deconstruction helped gain insight into the origins and maintenance of anger.
Scripting of the scenarios which continue to trouble him in is life in the present, helped develop alternative interpretations. Through role plays, we started developing better results.We refined these approaches through counselling and keeping an Anger Journal (He called it Riding with Mr.Donkey journal)
3- Reauthoring personal stories:
The scripts made through externalization,deconstruction tools above helped Mr.S gain the power to rewrite his narratives, explore alternative perspectives and be more aware of how his prejudices and projections are affecting his relationships. New stories began to emerge which offered new ways of understanding and creating his experiences.
Shifting from being defined by anger to seeing himself as capable of change and growth, and being a channel of peace, understanding, and kindness has helped Mr S and his family be very different from where they were a year ago.
4- Exploring values and intentions:
As Mr.S evolved from a “Head over Water” Survival level recovery to a more wholesome bigger version of himself, he began to examine his values and vulnerabilities, intentions and impact regarding anger. As we explored pivotal life moments, the purpose anger has served in his life, he changed his way of looking at his teenage years, and also his work, family and community. This led to a deeper understanding of his emotional experiences.
This exploration paved the way for aligning anger with personal values, he rebuilt his relationship with his estranged wife and children, and has started exploring healthier ways of expressing his needs, feelings, situations and story.
5- Creating alternative responses:
The list of alternative responses to Mr.Anger (Dragon/Donkey) helped challenge the dominant narrative that aggressive or destructive behaviours result from anger. He started developing new strategies to harness anger constructively. His strengths, resources, alternative stories enabled him to respond to anger in ways more in life with desired outcomes.
Key points and summary
Creating balance through understanding the borders and boundaries of an issue helps one come up with creative ways to enhance life. Through keeping a written record of the way issues like anger speak in one’s life, how they disturb equanimity, we saw two different approaches to this issue- a classic Cognitive Behavioural therapy (CBT) approach and a Narrative therapy approach (NT). Creating a positive journal of values, symbols and metaphors (Lotus, dragon, donkey, map, territory, journey) helped co-create better life options.
Exercise
Do you have an issue which you need to see through a different lens? Write how it has spoken to you in your life and discuss as appropriate. Alternatively, write a letter to the issue.
References
White, M. (1984). Pseudo-encopresis: From avalanche to victory, from vicious to virtuous cycles. Family Systems Medicine, 2(2), 150–160.https://doi.org/10.1037/h0091651
White, M. (2007). Maps of narrative practice. WW Norton & Company.
Modern man no longer communicates with the madman . .
. There is no common language, or rather, it no longer
exists……..The language of psychiatry, which is a monologue
by reason about madness, could only have
come into existence in such a silence.
Foucalt, 1961
The Madhouse- 1812-1819- Francisco_de_Goya_-La_casa_de_locos-_Google_Art_Project: Modern Man no longer communicates with the mentally disturbed….Michel Foucalt, 1961
